Oh, what a load of flying fudgsicles — if that’s a word! For the love of shirtless men, authors sucking straws, and exposing our author-butts to the masses, is this what author marketing has become?
I’m for real.
On TikTok, there are a few romance authors who post about themselves sucking hard on half-chewed straws dipped into some ice-cube-rattling-liquid, while watching some topless man shake his booty.
So that’s two people. One screen. Two different motives.
This guy is one of many merry men, who are enjoying the adulation of their fans for sharing their naked toned chests to the world. Most do it hoping to become a future TikTok modelling sensation. Good luck to them, too. Some deserve it.
Anyhoo… back to these authors sucking on a straw while watching these guys. Their readers must really, really be doing their own personal lap-dance of joy over these straw-sucking author posts.
It makes you want to throw a straw-sucking party, where the person who makes those cringiest-moaning-straw-sucking noises wins a Llama covered coffee mug. Where do I sign up for that!
SLURPING ON THAT SOUL-SUCKING STRAW
So, how do authors get seen without selling their sensitive writing souls? When the whole idea of author marketing sucks straws! Not just on Tik Tok but on any of the other 200+ social media platforms out there.
Setting aside the script, I’m a consumer of all things, like adopting turtles. But I have never bought from some eighteen year old with a bleached smile telling me what I want. That I need that product they’re waving around on their perfectly staged small screen.
And that goes for the guys with the perfect pecs, trying oh-so-hard to sell me that anti-itch cream made for man-boobs.
They have no idea what I want.
Heck, half the time I don’t know what I want.
So, does the guy with the perfect pecs sell many tubes of cream?
And does that straw-sucking author sell a cache of straws as part of her author brand?
I shouldn’t be picky, not when I’m trying to sell sh*t to strangers, too!
Aren’t we all?
As professional authors, we’ve all gotta sell to strangers. Regardless of whether you want to publish traditionally or independently, author marketing is our responsibility.
No wonder so many of us authors cringe when it comes to author marketing, it’s enough to leave a foul taste in the mouth!
PASS THE MOUTHWASH PLEASE…
So, allow me to swirl some mouthwash and tell you that don’t need to do any of that. Or you can do whatever you want with that next packet of paper straws that fell into your shopping basket.
So if you feel that your author marketing sucks straws, take a moment and ask…
Who do you want watching you on social media?
Who do you want to read your books?
What kind of followers do you want? Real, faux, or meh? Don’t fuss too much about the follower numbers as most won’t see what you post. Sorry, that’s the truth. Follower counts don’t offer the same jack-and-jill-happy-pills buzz like they used to.
But social media does have its place.
So every time you post on social media, ask yourself:
Is this for you?
Or is this for someone absolutely dying to watch you suck on a straw?
Because everything, everything, you do as an author, from marketing to building your author platform, should have the one question behind it:
Who is it for?
Because they’ll be asking—what’s in it for them!
